He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
