If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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