guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
