i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
