Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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