Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
