and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You may now shotgun with the bride
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
