woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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