Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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