they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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