girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
