I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
