if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
