ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
