Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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