it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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