Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
