she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
