nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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