when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
