guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
