dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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