I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
