Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
