he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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