i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
