just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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