he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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