I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
