oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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