I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
