his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
