There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
