So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
