her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
