It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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