thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
