Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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