I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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