i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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