Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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