I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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