8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
