There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
