Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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