Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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