U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
