Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
