I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
