I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
