wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
