just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We have started to decorate penises.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
