Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
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UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
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I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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