Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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