his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
