i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
