im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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