Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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Have fun and good luck.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.