it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
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i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
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Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
BRING THE BAGELS