Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"