3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID