she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.