By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"