You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
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I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down