dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,