Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove