I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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