Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving