this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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