we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
