ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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