are you still at the devil's house?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
