I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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