the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
