I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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