Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
