My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
