it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
